New scandal

Useless opposition - that's the biggest scandal in Scotland today. Between them they can't even manage a decent strike in any sphere on Salmond or any other member of the SNP. Pure dead boggin - as it used to be described in my childhood.

Iain Macwhirter came to the conclusion that, if there was any wrongdoing by Salmond, it was the use of the Ministerial car (he was leaving a Ministerial engagement, so that's not a wrongdoing).

Scotland on Sunday has dug out a 'planning expert' to warn that Swinney calling in the application will bring about the Apocalypse. Dr Veronica Burbridge is her name - I've no idea what her doctorate is in, but her appearance as a planning expert appears to stem from her having worked for the Royal Town Planning Institute for a couple of years after having worked for Scottish Natural Heritage. I can't quite work out whether she is naive or politically partial. I know, I know, you want to know what the Royal Town Planning Institute is - I was desperate to investigate it myself but I have to admit I got bored. They have 20,000 members (across the UK) in 9 classifications, only one of which requires a professional qualification and you can look at their policy development for yourself.

There was even a tale that some terrible opposition spinner had tried to suggest that John Swinney had played a free round of golf when he was at a Globalscots event paid for by Scottish Enterprise which was held at one of Trump's premises in the US. If it had been a mountain-biking centre, maybe see a round getting played, but golf and John Swinney? Dinna be daft.

Then there's the Lib Dems intending to ask Parliament to spend money on a Commission to exonerate the SNP in addition to the Commission they want Parliament to set up to examine the case for independence. Parliament is on a limited budget - how much of its money do they want to spend on their commissions and will they be willing to give up their salaries and allowances to fund them?

Useless, the lot of them! For a large fee I'm prepared to show them how to be an opposition, though - all such tenders will be subject to a donation to the cause of independence, right enough.

I have been made aware of one or two people asking why Nicol Stephen jumped up and down and stamped his feet like an infant over Alex Salmond but didn't utter a peep when Wendy Alexander admitted breaking the law. Good question - if I get half a chance I'll start having a look at his allowances and expenses - just for a laugh.

Cheer up, we could be back to politics soon. Wendy Alexander, the woman who admitted breaking the law but is hanging on to clear her name will be gone soon (does she intend to resign as soon as she's 'cleared her name'?), Nicol Stephen will be back counting milk tokens, and we could, perhaps, have some real debate in Parliament.

Do you think the Labour MSPs and the Lib Dem peers who are in favour of independence should declare their hand?

Ach, come on, it would be fun at least.