Elephant polo

Scotland's really good at elephant polo - which you can understand given the remarkable qualities of the native Scottish elephant - but it would appear that a young fellow by the name of Andrew Murray is intent on eclipsing the might of Scotland's elephant polo teams (for we have more than one international class elephant polo team - oh yes).

A quite stunning display by the young Dunblaner last night, reminding me of my own days at the tennis - watching, of course. I hear that someone is looking to challenge him for the crown:

Nae chance, of course, tennis players need fast reactions and very fast decision making skills ...

I hear rumours from my very favourite people in the Labour party that power-broking has become the new sport, arms are being twisted, and inducements are being offered. Brown, the story goes, is determined to make sure that the possible contest for the vacant post as milk monitor to the Labour group in Scotland's Parliament does not become a political melt-down.

It would seem that the Broon would prefer a leader to 'emerge' or for the contest to be disgustingly one-sided, but doesn't yet have a preferred bidder. Charlie Gordon is birling his hat in his hands and threatening to throw it into the ring - which would, of course, reopen the whole dodgy donations saga - and he's looking for a buy-off, but what could he be offered? Surely he's in it for real? And surely the loss of Glasgow East will deal a serious blow to the ambitions of anyone from the west coast?

In spite of all the posturing and coquetry ongoing just now, I'll buy you a coconut if there are two or more serious contenders for the vacant post - Labour is terrified of the damage that leadership campaign could do.

Unless, of course, Helen Eadie stands!