Wednesday 5 December 2007

Oh Charlie, you bad lad!

My very good friend in the Labour party tells me lovely stories. No, I'm not telling you who she is.

Here's the latest, she tells me that Charlie Gordon was recently an extremely effective laxative in Labour party HQ recently.

"How so?" says I.

Well, I'm told, that wee threat to make a statement caused a fit of the vapours straight out of a Harold Lloyd film. We all thought that Charlie was being forced to stand down, he was being booted out of the door to save the career of the Wendy.

The alternate version of the tale from the depths of John Smith House has a different colour. That version has Mr Gordon's announcement that he intended to make a statement coming as a complete surprise - they didn't know it was coming, so they suffered sudden evacuation problems.

The phones went a wee bit busy, and the emails were wheeching all over the place. No-one could find out what the Honourable Member for Cathcart was up to. The Bat-phone was lifted and London was called.

Strangely, Charlie Gordon found his phone when The Clash started playing. The man who ran Glasgow knows how to play down among the big boys - and he's not prepared to settle for less.

Anyway, the upshot is, I'm told, that Charlie boy has been asked to make sure that his statement isn't a resignation because Labour can't be sure of holding any seat in Scotland now. The wee man has the Broon in a very uncomfortable position and isn't letting go easily.

Perhaps a wee sinecure just won't be enough? The question I'm asking now is what does Charlie have that they are so frightened of? No-one would expect Labour to hold Cathcart, and that would only adjust in the SNP's favour a tiny wee bit. Labour's credibility is already shot, Wendy's dignity doesn't exist anymore, Gordon Brown really can't be all that worried about all this when he has the world exploding around his ears.

What's Charlie got? Why is the Labour party worried? Answers in the usual manner...

My only worry is that she was smiling and she might be winding me up.

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